Yesterday afternoon our little neighbor boy friend came over to play with Dylan. Upon entering our house he asked excitedly "So did you buy your baby today?" Owen roared with laughter and I felt totally annoyed but also curious about the question. I said "No, we aren't buying a baby we're adopting one. There's a difference. Who told you that we were buying a baby anyway?" He said "My mom. She told me that people who can't have a baby buy one off of a bratty girl who went and got herself pregnant and doesn't want her baby."
Well. That's ONE definition adoption! I'm still reeling from this coarse description. I guess I'm just hyper sensitive about how we are obliged to have a family. It's been many years that we've evolved our own definition of adoption. The first was that adoption was a way that Heavenly Father looked out for his little ones who were coming to the earth by mistake. The second definition was that certain children were foreordained to be with certain parents and Heavenly Father in his infinite understanding provided a way for all of this to happen. The third definition is that all families are sacred. Every family unit deserves immense support from many people and government to be able to succeed. Perhaps all of these definitions are correct in various circumstances. I know that so far, all of them have applied to our own family. Right now I feel that we are unofficially parenting the little boy that I mentioned above and his older sister. They come to our house right after school and we provide snacks, protection, activities and occasionally, dinner. Why do we open our home up like this? Because we hate to have these beautiful children totally unattended while their mother is obliged to work for several more hours. It's something that all of us have done at one point or another to various degrees. It's just how we all take care of one another in a community. I guess you could say that we all "adopt" one another at various times because we feel each others need. I don't know, what do you think?
Wow! How old was that kid? It's a good thing you were there to set the record straight. Maybe he'll use his learning experience to teach his mom about the proper way to talk about adoption. :)
ReplyDeletep.s. definition #2 is my favorite, and the one that has always felt "right" to me.
Wow! I'm sad to hear that some people would describe adoption that way.Sheesh. It's great that you are able to have these children in you life, you will probably make a big difference.I think you're right that God grouped us as families before this life and made special plans so that we could all be together as families dispite our physical trials.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right, Becky. We all need to adopt one another. It's why we're here. And good for you to do just that. What an inconsiderate and thoughtless explanation to give to a child!
ReplyDeleteMy sister has adopted two children (so far). The birthmom found my sister and knew that the baby she was carrying was for her. It was a very tender experience for all involved. When the adoption was finalized in the courtroom, the case worker explained that the baby was a third-generation adoption (my father and my sister were both adopted).
ReplyDeleteIt is sad that those who have not experienced adoption see it as such a financial interaction.